Dear Ken Jennings,

(Hey Ken! Did you know that if you Google Image "Hey Ken", this image pops up?)

I am writing this because:

1. I write and perform for Studio C,
2. I think you're cool,
3. I wanted to do a sketch with you,
4. I wrote a sketch for you,
5. Production issues kept it from happening, and finally,
6. I didn't want this piece of my soul to rot in the dark recesses of my laptop.

SO THIS IS MY GIFT TO YOU! (And everyone else who might be reading this.)

I present the (hopefully) funny script for Ken Jennings on Wheel of Fortune.

INT. WHEEL OF FORTUNE STUDIO - DAY

Open with some sort of graphic that reads, “Highlights of Ken Jennings on Wheel of Fortune” or something akin to it.

Cut to Pat (JASON) introducing Ken. Pat looks more and more frazzled as the night progresses.

PAT

You all might recognize our third contestant, Ken Jennings. He won 74 consecutive games of Jeopardy! And wound up taking home more than 3 million dollars. You must be really good at game shows.

KEN

I guess so.

PAT

Well, we’re excited to have you. Let’s get started.

Cut to $2,000 toss up segment and graphic.

PAT (CONT’D)

The category is: living thing.

Letters start to appear until we see. “KODI_K _ _AR”.

Ken buzzes.

KEN

Kodiak camera.

PAT

Um, not quite.

Adam buzzes.

ADAM

Kodiak bear.

PAT

There it is.

KEN

You know, if those letters were different, I would have been right.

Beat as Pat is dumbfounded.

PAT

This is gonna be a fun night.

Cut to a puzzle. Category: Thing.

KEN

L.

Vanna (NATALIE) taps the letter, finishing the puzzle. It reads “Achilles Heel”

KEN (CONT’D)

A-chills hill.

PAT

No.

Cut to a half shot of a mostly solved puzzle and the contestants. 

KEN

Q.

PAT

Sorry, no Qs.

Cut to Ken’s turn.

KEN

X.

PAT

You are picking the worst letters.

Cut to Ken’s turn.

KEN

Q.

PAT

You already said that one.

Cut to another puzzle.

PAT (CONT’D)

Ken - back to you.

KEN

I’d like to buy a vowel. “T”.

PAT

That’s not a vowel.

Cut to Ken’s turn.

KEN

Aaaa... seven.

PAT

The number seven?

KEN

Yes. No... Nine.

PAT

Those are numbers. You need to say a letter.

KEN

Omega.

PAT

That’s a Greek letter.

Cut to an empty puzzle with four blank spaces.

KEN

I’d like to solve the puzzle.

PAT

There aren’t any letters on the board, Ken.

KEN

I think I got it.

PAT

I highly doubt that.

KEN

“Chicken Tenders”

Beat.

PAT

The category is “place”.

Cut to another puzzle. Category: Character. 

All letters appear but two, like so: “THE AMAZI_G SPIDERMA_”

KEN

I’d like to solve the puzzle.

PAT

For the first time, I believe you are capable of doing so.

KEN

The Amazing Spidermax.

PAT

Good glory.

KEN

Excuse me. What is The Amazing Spidermax?

PAT

This isn’t Jeopardy.

Cut to Ken.

Cut to Pat.

Cut to Ken.

KEN

I’ll take Spidermax for 300, Alex.

Cut to final puzzle.

PAT

Well, here’s your envelope. I can’t believe you could be a million dollar winner.

Ken holds up the MILLION DOLLAR WEDGE.

PAT (CONT’D)

I can’t even believe you’re tonight’s finalist. This is either a miracle or witchcraft.

KEN

Let’s do it.

Ken spins the wheel. Once it stops, Pat takes the envelope.

PAT

Ok. The category is: Phrase. RSTLNE will give you some letters.

Vanna taps the letters. “_/_ _ _ _/N_/_ _ E _”.

PAT (CONT’D)

So, from you, we need three more consonants and one more vowel.

KEN

Okay. I’ll say... RSTLNE.

Beat. Pat slowly turns his head towards Ken. Pat sighs.

PAT

Okay. Vanna did we miss any? No? Didn’t think so. You have ten seconds to guess and then I don’t have to talk to you anymore.

Timer starts.

KEN

I have no idea.

He wins. The letters appear. Pat is horrified.

PAT

Unbelievable! You won by accident?! Who chose that as the final puzzle? Huh? You’re fired.

He opens the envelope and reveals that it’s the million dollars.

PAT (CONT’D)

Oh holy Zeus! The million dollars?! You made more tonight than I have in the past ten years!

KEN

Do I get to come back tomorrow?

PAT

No!

Pat storms off.

Cut to Ken standing with Vanna and Pat during the credits.

VANNA

Congratulations on winning, Ken.

KEN

Thanks, Vanna.

PAT

Just say goodbye.

KEN

Bye everyone! Thanks for watching The Price is Right. Have a good night.

End.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, I hope your supergenius, trivia-enriched eyes both saw and enjoyed this, Ken. 

If not, I hope someone named Ken enjoyed it.